So let me say first things first, I am not going to proofread or spellcheck this post. I just want to get it all out and be done with it.
Everyone with me so far? Good.
Writing is not as easy as most think. Writers, especially in the comic book world, get a lot less respect than the artists do and that is because most of us can't draw, well can't draw well. Anyone can doodle, but I digress.
The thing is most people think that writing is easy, because they write something every day. Emails, to-do lists, obnoxious comments on YouTUBE videos, etc...
The thing is that if they ever actually sat down and tried to write, they would find it isn't as easy as they think.
I saw this a lot when I was an actor as well. Most everyone thinks that acting is easy, just get up there and make a fool out of yourself. Yet most people when placed in front of a camera or even more so a live audience, find that acting isn't as easy as they thought, let alone acting well.
This brings me back to writing. Apparently, if I believe what others tell me, I am a decent writer. I dunno, I think they are just being nice to me because no one likes telling a friend they suck at something they seem to really want to do. Strangers are more like to be honest, but they can often be really mean since they have no need to worry about emotional filters, and some are just trolls looking to be assholes.
The worst are the frustrated writers who, much like frustrated actors, tend to poo-poo everything they haven't had a hand in.
Still, much like acting, I continue to strive towards being a writer. I will tell you now, it was a lot easier being an actor. Writing is hard work.
My current way of paying the rent is as a trainer for a customer service 3rd party call centre. Oh what heights I have hit. To be honest I love training classes of new hires and getting them ready to do their job, if I didn't I would have quit.
Between those classes though, we do what is colourfully called "ongoing training" which is ongoing but isn't training. It means running around, trying to get agents to do computer modules and read articles and take surveys and do side-by-sides listening to their calls, etc... I fill out far to many excel trackers in my day. Just sayin'.
This procedure means I am always getting another email demanding some results about x or y or adding a and b to my plate. It never ends.
For fun I got an app that tracks how far I walk in a day and have discovered I cover between 3.5 and 5k at work, every day. My knees are done, my right ankle is throbbing and my energy is almost gone.
What does all this have to do with writing? Well this, when I get home and sit down to write, I am not only overwhelmed by the amount of stories, projects and ideas I want to write, but also devastated by a crippling lack of brain-power or energy left to do it.
Where do I start?
Do I write another issue of HEROIC?
Do I get more work done on SKULL?
Create another instalment of VILLAINOUS?
What about that story I have kicking around about the LARPers who are transported to a fantasy world where they become their characters? (Yes I loved the Sleeping Dragon books, the Realm comic and the movie Knights of Badassdom)... and wouldn't it work better as a webcomic? Where do I find an artist will to work for free? Le sigh...
But wait, there's more!
And that's the problem. I am not running out of ideas, far from it, I am just so bloody exhausted both mentally and physically all I want to do is flake out in front of the computer. Watch videos on YouTUBE, eat bad-for-me-food and go to sleep only to get up and do it all again tomorrow.
What about the weekends you say? Well those are reserved for laundry, groceries and if I am lucky a session of one of the games I run with friends. The best is when I get to go see a movie too. These weekends are all I have and they recharge my soul... for another fucking week of my soul crushing job.
Yes I am whining.
Yes I am complaining.
Yes I am fucking tired and feeling like my wheels are spinning.
So after all this bitching and complaining is their light at the end of the tunnel?
Yes, there is, because every couple of weeks I get to do a spurt of writing, good or bad. This job can't last forever, or suck forever, and that will help too. Maybe I'll get laid off and be on unemployment for 6 months, giving me lots of time to write. Or maybe, just maybe, HEROIC will finally take off and Hollywood will come knocking for the movie rights because Charlize Theron read it and wants to play Lady America!
Hey, I can dream can't I?
So with my mind cleared now and spoken to you all I can hopefully reduce a bit of this stress. Who knows, maybe this was one of those "things you do" that helps.
I can't say.
Only time will tell.
A nickel saved is a nickel earned.
A bird in hand... you get the idea.
I will keep writing though. That goes without saying.
I will keep plugging away because at least one of these crazy ideas that I have will take root and turn into something lucrative enough to get me out of the rat race.
Or maybe it won't. Who knows.
I think those LARPers I mentioned earlier should work in a call centre. Yeah, so let's add a little Office Space to those inspirations.
P.S. I am not kidding, if there is an artist out there looking to work with a great writer and make a webcomic, get in touch with me. I pay nothing, but will share all the glory with you... stop laughing... okay yeah... go ahead... laughing is still free after all.